That Internet Survey
Hi Tom here, these were my answers to that internet survey that everyone seems to be getting in their emails.
1. What time did you get up this morning?
Lower half was apparently “up” around 7am, my mind and torso rose to consciousness sometime after that.
2. Diamonds or Pearls?
Well, the Pearls always have a wonderful Chanukah get together every year, so I will vote for them. But the Diamonds espacially that I. A. L. Diamond, “Wow!” can he write with Billy Wilder or what????
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
The film on the top of my “refreshments.”
4. What are your favorite tv shows?
The ones that pay me!
5. What did you have for breakfast?
A headache.
6. What is your middle name?
Ok, thats a little weird but okay if you insist.
Yours truly
Tom What Konkle
7. What is your favorite cuisine?
My Cuisine Albert because he’s the only family member who can cross state lines without an official escort.
8. What foods do you dislike?
Swanson’s Sweaty Man Dinner, Al Sharpton’s Veal Medallions, Split Pea and Hamster Soup, Freak Show Sushi, or any food purchased from a store called Pick n’Lick.
9. Your favorite potato chip?
have to say Davey Jones was my fav No NO wait Michael Nesmith. He had the ascot right? He is my favorite potato chip.
10. What kind of car do you drive?
The moving kind. Is this a trick question or something?
11. What is ytour favorite CD at the moment?
Henry Phillips “Shoulder of Freaks” album or the album “Dinner Music For People Who Aren’t Very Hungry.”
12. Favorite sandwich?
The Earl I think. Yes.
13. What characteristics do you despise?
Inquisitiveness. Yes. I’ll have to look into that further but definately inquisitiveness. Also, people who keep running into my room saying “who’s frying baloney?” Also a turn-off is anyone who answers a question by saying “I’ll have to talk to the little man who lives in my pants.”
14. Favorite item of clothing?
Victoria’s Secret teddys, garters or split crotch panties.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
See answer #14 above.
Definately not going to the Island of the Blood Swollen Ticks again!
16. What color is your bathroom?
Never seen it in the light so i can’t say. it’s black in there I guess. the lights have gone out there months ago and its just black in there, its a real problem I’ve made worse cause I found out I have been “evacuating” in the sink by mistake for weeks. I didn’t figure it out until I washed my face.
It’s probably best the lights are out in my bathroom. last time I could see in there I saw the repellent, yet oddly majestic brain of Ricardo Montalban perserved forever in a jar.
Weirder still is that I see this while Ricardo Montalban is still alive!
17. Favorite brand of clothing?
Edible.
18. Where would you want to retire to?
Ashley Judd’s spilt crotch panties. A second vacation to Heidi Klum’s lap is in my calender.
19. Favorite sport to watch?
Javelin catching.
20. Who do you least expect to send this back?
Lou Costello. frankly, he has gotten very erratic in his correspondance with me after the team with Abbott broke up forty years ago.
21. What did you have for dinner tonight?
Glorious Martyred Chicken Parts
22. Coke or Pepsi?
Yes.
23. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
I am more correctly a White Tufted Hoot Owl.
24 What size shoe do you wear?
Fun size!
25. Do you have pets?
Chiggers. And some crabs.
26. Any new or exciting news you’d like to share with everyone?
I just bought the new Super-Slippery Axe! Also, I recently borrowed Fozie’s jacket from the Smithsonian for a Halloween party.
27. What did you want to be when you were little?
Big.
Actually, I also wanted to be President but only so I could entertain the American people by introducing my puppet pal Koko and annoucing tax increases while I drink a glass of water.
These days everything I do sounds dirty like “Tethering the Blimp,” or “Windsurfing on Mount Baldy” (If you know what I mean wink wink)
Last night I was up with a ladyfriend “Frosting the Pastry.” (dave and tom have a sketch on entendre’s by the way you’ll have to watch it at the site or on itunes)
The pastry was delicious you dirty minded person you!
28. Favorite candy?
Bus depot fudge.
29. Best childhood memory?
Eating my weight in cocktail weiners.
30. What are some of the different jobs you have had in your life?
Official Veil Inspector (Iraq)
Volunteer Coach, Little Aryans Softball League (1934-35)
Castmember of Roy Rodger’s Incontinent Dog and Monkey Rodeo (1954-present)
31. Nicknames youve had?
Lil scratch and sniff. Old Beans ‘n’ Franks. Loser. Crib Lizard (as a baby) Mr. Drips. and of course Weasel.
32. Piercing?
Cher.
Yeah. she is definately.
33. Eye color?
Black and white but I am hoping to get a color one this Christmas!
34. Ever been to Africa?
That is my oldest and best pickup line!
35. Ever been toilet papering?
No, is that why I itch down there?
36. Love someone so much it made you cry?
Yes, and it was red and swollen for weeks after.
37. Been in a car accident?
sat in a Yugo once. So yes. what were they thinking? Accident?!?! They did that on purpose.
38. Favorite Day Of the Week?
Two words: Human Sacrifice Day
39. Favorite ice cream?
Hitler Ripple.
40. What color is your bedroom carpet?
Actually…I shave.
41. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?
You have to take a test!!?!?! @%#^@^!$&*!
42. Which store would you chose to max out your credit card?
Depending on the myspace friend I was with Hustler or Tiffanys
43. What do you do most often when you are bored?
Use my “bionic” hand.
44. Last person you had dinner with?
Christ. And he hasn’t called or written since.
45. How many tattoos do you have?
Two. One who spots the planes and one who starches my pants. he is short but efficient.
46. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
The egg, and the chicken is pissed off. Poor chicken left unsatisfied again with “blue eggs” and only a straw pillow to cry on.
